Dating In The Elder Years

I must confess to one other junior high era impediment: Although I’m in my mid-fifties, the prospect of kissing a woman for the first time always brings me back to the first time I ever kissed a girl – Miss Laura Glass, in the library, with what she probably thought was a lead pipe. Shouldn’t that adolescent anxiety have gone away by now? To be honest, I’m glad it hasn’t. That thrilling, almost nauseating combination of anticipation mixed with dread is one of the wonderful things that keeps me young, although the flip side is that I still never know when to make my move. So I thought I’d consult an expert – and texted my younger son, Zach, who’s a film major at a Florida university.

L: Can I ask you a question?
Z: Shoot.
L: It’s about kissing.
Z: Uh-oh.
L: How do you know when it’s the right time to kiss a girl?
Z: Honestly, Dad. I don’t think I’m the right person to ask.
L: How come?
Z: Cuz it’s not like I’m going out on dates.
L: Right, I know.
Z: It’s just that I don’t find myself in those situations.
L: I get it. College is different. But hypothetically speaking …
Z: And I’m more like the guy who misses the opportunity and winds up in the friend zone.
L: Like father, like son. Story of my life, man.
Z: It’s like I’ll be at a bar talking to a girl. For me, it’s just talking.
L: For me, too. I know what you mean.
Z: And I’ll notice how close she is to my face, and since I’m taller she may get a little closer …
L: Yep, that works. I’m also taller.
Z: And … I literally don’t know how to put the rest into words.
L: Just keep going.
Z: Well, if we’re both vibing each other, it just sorta happens.
L: Right, right! So here’s my deal. I’ll be out on a date and we’re “vibing” …
Z: HA!
L: … and then it’s the end of the night and things begin to get a little squirrely.
Z: I truly have no idea what you’re talking about.
L: It’s like, should I or shouldn’t I?
Z: I don’t know what to tell you, Dad. It’s just one of those things I can’t explain.
L: Me neither.

Full disclosure: The real reason I asked Zach about kissing was that I had gone out on a first date the prior Saturday and when the time came to make my move, I lost my nerve, and got a perfunctory peck-on-the-cheek consolation prize instead. But it was cool because I really liked her and knew I’d eventually have a second shot at our first kiss. As it happens, she lives just a few blocks away from me in the same Brooklyn neighborhood and we arranged to see each other soon.

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