Because I Am A Man

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle 
 with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that 
 we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop 
 the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what the heck I'm 
 looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other,
  "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these darn
  computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
 We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to 
 bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. 
 You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries
  at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find 
 exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the 
 same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick 
 up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I 
 will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
  me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has
  to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in 
 my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, 
 I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I 
 was able to survive by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking 
 about. The answer is always either sex, cars, or food, though 
 I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
  mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about 
 her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's 
 Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick 
 up something for my mom, too!

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
 Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought 
 what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either 
 pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. 
 Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the 21st century,
  I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
  the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes.
  I'll do the rest.