A Wee Bit of Smiley Thingies For You

Irish Smiles

Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, but he will kill any man who does. ------------------------------------------------------------ Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's Very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. ------------------------------------------------------------ The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often among Themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy opponent. ------------------------------------------------------------ An American lawyer asked, 'Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?' 'Who told you that?' asked Paddy. ------------------------------------------------------------ Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can understand them. ------------------------------------------------------------ Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and Announced, 'Not guilty.' 'That's grand!' shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?' ------------------------------------------------------------ Irish lass customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?' Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.' ------------------------------------------------------------ Mrs.. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, 'Is that you I hear spittin' in the Vase on the mantle piece?' 'No,' said himself, 'but I'm getting closer all the time.' ------------------------------------------------------------ Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A. A bachelor. ------------------------------------------------------------ Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the Morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time? Finnegin: Waitin' for me to come home. ------------------------------------------------------------ Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.. 'Quick!' He said. 'Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!' 'Tell me, is this her first baby?' the intern asked. 'No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'.' ------------------------------------------------------------ 'O'Ryan,' asked the druggist, 'did that mudpack I gave you Improve your wife's appearance?' 'It did surely,' replied O'Ryan, 'but it keeps fallin' off!' ------------------------------------------------------------ Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their honeymoon Waiting for their sexual relations to arrive? ------------------------------------------------------------ My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life And then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?