GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
> 1. Sag, you're It.
> 2. Hide and go pee.
> 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
> 4. Kick the bucket
> 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
> 6. Musical recliners.
> 7. Simon says something incoherent.
> 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
> 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
> 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
> 3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
> 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
> 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
> 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
> 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
> 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend
> Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
> If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
> Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember !
> A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
=================
Ponderisms
> I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
> Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
> Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
> Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
> Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
> Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
> 1. Sag, you're It.
> 2. Hide and go pee.
> 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
> 4. Kick the bucket
> 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
> 6. Musical recliners.
> 7. Simon says something incoherent.
> 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
> 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
> 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
> 3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
> 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
> 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
> 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
> 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
> 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend
> Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
> If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
> Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
But Most Of All, Remember !
> A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
=================
Ponderisms
> I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
> Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
> The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
> Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
> Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
> In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
> Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
> Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
> If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
> Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
> Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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