3) How did your family and friends react?
It is common knowledge within the trans community that the decision to
finally transition is not without many challenges and difficulties. From my readings on the internet, I was aware
that beginning this new lifestyle could lead to the loss of family, friends
and employment. I also was aware of the potential for
physical harm that can come from some individuals who hold certain beliefs. For these reasons, many people who
transition simply quit their job and leave their friends, choosing instead to
move to a new city in their attempt to start a new life as a member of the
opposite gender. I did it the hard way. Maybe I was lazy, I don’t know. I
simply decided that I was going to do this transitioning right where I was and
just hope it went well.
Overall, many reactions were not very positive. Well, let me clarify that a little. When you have grown up and have lived among people, be they friends, family, or co-workers, they become comfortable with the image that they see of you. When I finally found the courage to transition from living as a male to living as a female, I wrote a two page letter based on a similar letter I found on the internet that someone else had used, and had given permission for others to adapt for their own use. I tailored the letter to fit my situation. It explained what I was going to do, why I was going to do it, and when I was going to do it. I mailed out, or handed out, about 250 of those letters. It was actually a very well written letter and I received many comments on it, however, in some circles it did not go over well. I would say that my true "friends" accepted the change and stood by me. Many people whom I had thought were friends began to distance themselves, so they likely were not true friends anyway. I was let go from my job of over 18 years “because I made mistakes.” Not one person in my family, however, initially offered any positive comments or support. In fact, my mother originally told me I could not come to see her dressed as a female. I was prepared for this. My mother eventually relented and tolerated the change, as did some of the other family members, and we would eventually even go out in public together after that. My sister and I also go out for brunch or lunch from time to time, and she has resolved many of the initial conflicts I’m sure she initially had. And in time certain family members eventually have accepted the transition but the subject is never discussed. I am still not generally invited to any family functions, outside of those from my sister, and that may well be due to the separation that I kept from them for so many years. But maybe not. I am not sure I will ever truly find that out, and I can live with that. I was somewhat encouraged when one of my second cousins, and much later two of my first cousins, have requested to be friends on Facebook, but we rarely if ever communicate. One first cousin simply contacted me by email. I was totally caught by surprise with the two who come from my father’s side of the family, as I haven’t seen them in a very long time, and they really had to do a little research to even find me.
Overall, many reactions were not very positive. Well, let me clarify that a little. When you have grown up and have lived among people, be they friends, family, or co-workers, they become comfortable with the image that they see of you. When I finally found the courage to transition from living as a male to living as a female, I wrote a two page letter based on a similar letter I found on the internet that someone else had used, and had given permission for others to adapt for their own use. I tailored the letter to fit my situation. It explained what I was going to do, why I was going to do it, and when I was going to do it. I mailed out, or handed out, about 250 of those letters. It was actually a very well written letter and I received many comments on it, however, in some circles it did not go over well. I would say that my true "friends" accepted the change and stood by me. Many people whom I had thought were friends began to distance themselves, so they likely were not true friends anyway. I was let go from my job of over 18 years “because I made mistakes.” Not one person in my family, however, initially offered any positive comments or support. In fact, my mother originally told me I could not come to see her dressed as a female. I was prepared for this. My mother eventually relented and tolerated the change, as did some of the other family members, and we would eventually even go out in public together after that. My sister and I also go out for brunch or lunch from time to time, and she has resolved many of the initial conflicts I’m sure she initially had. And in time certain family members eventually have accepted the transition but the subject is never discussed. I am still not generally invited to any family functions, outside of those from my sister, and that may well be due to the separation that I kept from them for so many years. But maybe not. I am not sure I will ever truly find that out, and I can live with that. I was somewhat encouraged when one of my second cousins, and much later two of my first cousins, have requested to be friends on Facebook, but we rarely if ever communicate. One first cousin simply contacted me by email. I was totally caught by surprise with the two who come from my father’s side of the family, as I haven’t seen them in a very long time, and they really had to do a little research to even find me.
When I comes to friends, I also lost many who I felt were friends, but
realized later that they actually weren’t when they fled. It really wasn’t different from the way
family reacted, and for the same reason.
I still have some friends from the past whom I see at coffee on the
weekends. And though there are many who
are no longer comfortable around me anymore (like they think I have a
contagious disease), I have also had the chance to meet so many new people who
can willingly accept me as who I am now…..and this applies to people of all
ages.
The major problem or challenge that I faced in accepting my alternate
persona, or in transitioning, was simply the fact the I wanted others to like
me, although I realize I made it difficult for them to do that. I simply didn’t want others to hate me, or
think I was strange. So I kept to myself
for so many years as I tried to make everyone else like me. But on the other hand, in doing this, I made
myself and my life miserable in the process.
It wasn’t until I began to open up to others that I was able to be convinced
that I should put myself, and my own happiness first, and let everyone else
make their own decision. This was very
hard for me to do, as I simply did not think that way. But by that point in my life I also knew I
needed to change something. I was aware
I could not go on much longer living the way I felt. It was my “living hell.” And, to be honest, I am really surprised I
was able to keep living as long as I did.
The timing of these certain people who entered my life was so
critical…………………..I have no idea how I found them, or they found me, but I will
be forever grateful for their wisdom, insight and support.
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