So, Tuesday, April 30th was the tenth birthday of Alexis. Yes, it was ten years ago that I first took the identity and life of Alexis and began living as a female 24/7. Yes it was sort of scary. But what I had been going through for so many years prior to that was even more frightening. My internal gender identity conflict had been slowly ripping me apart on the inside for so many years. I'm actually sorry that I didn't keep a diary of my entire life, either written or in pictures, or both. It would have made an amazing documentary. Yet I know that I was only one of many. While the
acceptance of diversity of various gender identities has grown greatly over the years, it wasn't that way years ago. I'd been aware of feeling different since I was a youngster, but for many years I effectively denied my desires, limiting those dreams to the rare times I was alone. It was a long time before I could even relate to what it was what I wanted to be. What I should be. 30 years ago, there were few books available. Many people didn't have computers. I felt alone for so long. I wondered what was wrong with me, and why I could not be a normal boy. I tried getting married, but realize now that was a mistake. Sure, she knew I like to wear women's clothing, and she could live with that. It was when I first discovered that I was a transgendered person that we parted. And in the 20-some years following the divorce to my going public, I withdrew from people. Sure I would go to work as a guy, and I think few people knew who I really was. They may have sensed something was bothering me, but that was the extent of it. Getting a computer was the best therapy I ever had because it gave me the opportunity to find out more information than I even knew was available. And I found some chat groups where I could talk with others who had similar feelings. Yet eventually that wasn't enough. My inner torment was going to get the best of me if I did not do something--and fast. I began to talk to those closest to me, and they didn't run away. In fact, they even encouraged and helped me. And finally, with the help of some special binaral subliminal CD's, I had the strength to move forward. And I have never looked back.
acceptance of diversity of various gender identities has grown greatly over the years, it wasn't that way years ago. I'd been aware of feeling different since I was a youngster, but for many years I effectively denied my desires, limiting those dreams to the rare times I was alone. It was a long time before I could even relate to what it was what I wanted to be. What I should be. 30 years ago, there were few books available. Many people didn't have computers. I felt alone for so long. I wondered what was wrong with me, and why I could not be a normal boy. I tried getting married, but realize now that was a mistake. Sure, she knew I like to wear women's clothing, and she could live with that. It was when I first discovered that I was a transgendered person that we parted. And in the 20-some years following the divorce to my going public, I withdrew from people. Sure I would go to work as a guy, and I think few people knew who I really was. They may have sensed something was bothering me, but that was the extent of it. Getting a computer was the best therapy I ever had because it gave me the opportunity to find out more information than I even knew was available. And I found some chat groups where I could talk with others who had similar feelings. Yet eventually that wasn't enough. My inner torment was going to get the best of me if I did not do something--and fast. I began to talk to those closest to me, and they didn't run away. In fact, they even encouraged and helped me. And finally, with the help of some special binaral subliminal CD's, I had the strength to move forward. And I have never looked back.
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