>> A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian
>> government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents
>> (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System
>> facilities. She demanded a response to her letter. She received back
>> the following reply:
>> National Defense Headquarters
>> M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
>> 101 Colonel By Drive
>> Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2
>> Dear Concerned Citizen,
>> Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
>> treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian
>> Forces, who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan
>> Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in
>> Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
>> Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions
>> were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will be pleased to learn,
>> thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a
>> new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be
>> called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or
>> L.A.R.K. for short.
>> In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
>> decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists and place them
>> in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country,
>> under those citizens' personal care. Your personal detainee has been
>> selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard
>> to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
>> Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be cared for
>> pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
>> complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly
>> inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are
>> commensurate with your recommendations.
>> Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
>> sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will
>> help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in
>> describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand
>> that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling, however, we
>> strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.
>> Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about your
>> house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure
>> you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
>> explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to
>> keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend
>> him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
>> combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a
>> pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to
>> demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to
>> take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.
>> Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except
>> sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby having
>> no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a
>> particularly sensitive subject for him.
>> You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around women
>> who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as more
>> appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity
>> offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of
>> 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your
>> You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a
>> counselor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter
>> while Ahmed is adjusting to Canadian culture.
>> Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like
>> you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our
>> fellow man. Good luck and God bless you.
>> Gordon O'Connor
>> Minister of National Defense