Thursday, August 8, 2013

So They Say

>> A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian
 >> government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents
 >> (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System
 >> facilities. She demanded a response to her letter. She received back
 >> the following reply:
 >> National Defense Headquarters
 >> M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
 >> 101 Colonel By Drive
 >> Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2
 >> Canada
 >> Dear Concerned Citizen,
 >> Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of
 >> treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian
 >> Forces, who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan
 >> Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in
 >> Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
 >> Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions
 >> were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will be pleased to learn,
 >> thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a
 >> new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be
 >> called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or
 >> L.A.R.K. for short.
 >> In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have
 >> decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists and place them
 >> in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country,
 >> under those citizens' personal care. Your personal detainee has been
 >> selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard
 >> to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
 >> Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be cared for
 >> pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of
 >> complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly
 >> inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are
 >> commensurate with your recommendations.
 >> Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your
 >> sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will
 >> help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in
 >> describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand
 >> that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling, however, we
 >> strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.
 >> Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbors or relatives about your
 >> house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure
 >> you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of
 >> explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to
 >> keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend
 >> him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand
 >> combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a
 >> pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to
 >> demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to
 >> take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.
 >> Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except
 >> sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby having
 >> no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a
 >> particularly sensitive subject for him.
 >> You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around women
 >> who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as more
 >> appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity
 >> offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of
 >> 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your
 >> letter.
 >> You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a
 >> counselor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter
 >> while Ahmed is adjusting to Canadian culture.
 >> Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like
 >> you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our
 >> fellow man. Good luck and God bless you.

 >> Cordially,

 >> Gordon O'Connor
 >> Minister of National Defense